Cat Man continues to call me and text me. I feel horrible because I’m acting like I sort of care, which is worse than caring or not if you ask me. I really don’t care but I feel like there is no reason not to meet this guy (well except for the bastard cat)…ugh. He’s a “happy Friday” texter. He’s sent that same message to me 3 weeks in a row now. He called me last night to ask me out. Do I want to go? Nope. Will I? I guess. If it’ll get this guy off my back then sure.
Why bother you ask? Well it’s like this: I need to date if I’m ever going to find someone. Maybe he’s great and I just can’t see past the allergens, you know? Maybe he’s the best man ever, but I can’t hear him past his weirdly gay voice…and somehow it still bugs me that he missed the part on my profile that said furry pets are a dealbreaker. We’ll meet. Whatever. I have a bad attitude, I know.
Okay on to better things! As promised, here is the current roster. I’m pretty excited about some of these guys although we’ll see what happens. You know I don’t ever get my hopes up about this stuff. Sad isn’t it?
SBM: Sexy Black Man that is…yes, in case you haven’t noticed, I am attracted to those with a darker skin, and I am happy to say, they are attracted to me too. It’s most certainly the boobs. Mine, not theirs. I have lovely cleavage, but that’s neither here nor there. ANYway, SBM is an engineer…we have been using the Guided Communication feature of eharmony, which you may know is a way to pick questions from a list instead of thinking of them yourself. I guess they want to help you ferret out issues before you actually start using your brain to communicate. It’s also helpful for lazy communicators, which can be characterized as people whose entire profile is comprised of bulleted items…couldn’t even write a damned sentence! We should be speaking soon. I’m hoping he wants to meet bc he is just SO cute and I desperately want to kiss him already. Cross your fingers.
Mr. Romance: Now I have traded a few emails with this guy and he seems nice. IT guy, as in information technology. I think geeky is the way to go ladies. I have to say that I don’t find him so physically attractive, which could prove to be an issue, but he seems really nice is a self-proclaimed romancer. He asked me if we could meet this weekend. I’ll do that if we can find the time. We haven’t spoken yet so I don’t know how he sounds yet. Bring on the romance buddy!
Suburban Man: Mr Suburb is definitely the oldest of the pack. He’s almost ten years older than me, also an engineer, and pretty much bald. He looks exactly like you might imagine, but there is something strangely cute about his picture, even though he looks sort of like a dad already...correction...he sort of looks like someone who could be my dad. Ewe...pushing thought away immediately...He asks a LOT of questions by email. We traded them a few times and I was finally like, here’s my number. Call me and we’ll get together. Let’s move this bus along guys. I don’t have all fucking day to be emailing the answers to your 75 questions. This one is a big question mark.
…man, I’m really craving a glass of champagne…and not to sound like I have a problem, but I have drank one and a half bottles of the stuff this week. It’s just so GOOD…I digress…
Sharpshooter: Okay, this is a short Mexican…actually I don’t know that he’s Mexican, but I’m like 85% sure. He’s cute and I do have an affection for short men. He’s all nice and whatnot, then mentions that he was a sharpshooter in the Army Reserve and has done public speaking for the last three years. This guy just got a lot more interesting. Maybe he can give a speech at our wedding. He’s also the only one of these guys that answered that he wants kids. Everyone else wrote “maybe.” What does that mean? You’re not sure? You’re waiting for my answer first? That bugs me. I mean, if you don’t actually WANT them, then I don’t want to have kids with you just because I want them. I want YOU to want them. “that’s okay honey, daddy didn’t want you, but mommy sure did…” We are talking and I’ll give him my number this weekend and move along. He is in IT also! Did I request the techies or something?
Biochem Man: This guy is a biochemistry project manager specialist or something (what the hell does that even mean?) and he lives in the burbs. He looks like what I imagine the father of my children to look like. Weird right? He’s moderately attractive, but he writes very well and has interesting things to say. He was the only person to guess my trivia question on my profile. (What shark was found to have swam up the Mississippi Rover as far as Illinois? For those of you who don't watch Shark Week, shame on you!) We’ve been chatting for a while. I gave him my number last weekend and he never called! WTF. But he keeps on emailing me. What is that? Fear? Busy? Whatev, if he wants to date me he’ll call me at that’s it. All I know is I am not calling HIM!
Wish me luck my peeps.
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